What did we do last night that was yellow?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
