Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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