girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
