he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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