Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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