have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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