there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
