hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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