We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize