47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
