its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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