guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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