Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
