Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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