This girl is more easily done than said...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize