I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
