Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize