So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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