like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
