In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
