So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize