You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
