Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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