Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
