i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
