All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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