The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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