I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
