I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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