we made out on top of his cat.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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