Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
