make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
