We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
