I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
