I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
