Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
