wakey wakey hands off snakey
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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