I think I just saw someone hide a body.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need water and some morals
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize