haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
