I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
