pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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