Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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