Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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