she was so not down for the gang bang
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
