My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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