Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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