I'm lost and stupid without you.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
