my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
