oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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