Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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