Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
