I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
