well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
