you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
