where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
