I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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