it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
