honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
