I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
