I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
