He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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