benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
