my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
