Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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