She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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