So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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