I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Found the puke drawer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
