i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nutella sex= disaster
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
