I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Life is so much better after having sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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