guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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