There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
