dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
