my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
