How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
