i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
