This house was built for laser tag.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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