I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
