very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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