I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
