Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
