i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
