If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
