you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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