Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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