so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
