my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
