I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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