it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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