At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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