i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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