I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
