the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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