it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
