i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
