The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
