Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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