Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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