we have officially lost it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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