You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
