there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize