the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
