dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
