just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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