dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
