I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
