Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
