May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
