mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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