Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
