She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
