why do cheetos always look like penises
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
