i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
